Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
