At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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