I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
