Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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