Kiss
Puke
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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