so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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