singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
