So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
