Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
