Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
