Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
