when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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