Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
