yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
