mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
