Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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