Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
