i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
