We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
