i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
