1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
