my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
