if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
