At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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