I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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