in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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