the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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