I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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