my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
