Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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