If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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