I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize