brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
