I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
