C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize