Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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