dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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