I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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