: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i black out too much to be "responsible"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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