What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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