I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
