Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
