just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
