i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
