I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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