Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
