Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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