There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
