the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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