I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
