I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
