Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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