I think I won the penis lottery.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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