Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
