Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
