I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize