She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
