I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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