Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
