We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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