piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
