Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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