Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the liver wants what the liver wants
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
