he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
