fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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