i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
