I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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