her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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