eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
