dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
