FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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