hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
