She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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