ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had sex on a dog bed..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
