Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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