Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
