it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
