I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize