so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
