i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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