Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
