Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
