And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize