I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
