drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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