I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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