I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
