I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
